Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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