theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We are two peas in an std pod
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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