no, he came in my armpit
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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