Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
