If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
