I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
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it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
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They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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