They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
