Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
