so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
