Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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