living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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