Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize