I wish I only lived at night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
