Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
