I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
