On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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