you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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