he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
