yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
