if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
