Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
