So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
