Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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