at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
