when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
