Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
