I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
