I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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