She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
