a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
