i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
