first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
