when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
