There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
