Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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