she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
