ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
