I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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