i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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