fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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