Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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