You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
