I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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