next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
