whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
