I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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