Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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