why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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