I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
