THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
