I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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