so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
