I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
