I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Swine flu is the new snow day.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
