if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
