Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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