gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
