Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
