She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
