it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
