My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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