well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
