He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Randomize
