This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
