She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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