So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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