If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
